There are a lot of different tips and tricks to make online dating easier. Any expert that you ask will have a dozen different things that you should do or not do in order to be successful with online dating. But I can tell you the one thing that is guaranteed to make you more successful when it comes to online dating – meet a person that you’re interested in right away. That’s it. Don’t wait. Don’t draw out the talking and messaging and talking on the phone. Because ultimately all of that is a waste of time if there is no chemistry between you, and you won’t know if there is chemistry between you until you meet face to face.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be cautious. You should definitely do a cell phone search. Of course, you should make sure that you feel comfortable with that other person and safe about meeting them. Always talk on the phone at least once so that you can see if they are strange or negative or unpleasant on the phone. If they are that way on the phone then you probably won’t want to date them and you can save yourself the time and trouble of meeting. But don’t talk on the phone, email, or text for weeks before the meeting. If you do that you are building an emotional connection before you even know if you have a physical connection. And that will make it even harder to deal with if you meet that person and have no chemistry.
And of course, while you are investing all that time and emotion in someone you haven’t met yet you will be letting other possibilities go because you are investing all your emotional energy in the person that you’re talking to or messaging. And I know how easy it is to fall into the trap of constant messaging. I’ve done it more than once. It’s not healthy.
The last time it happened to me I got a message from a guy on a dating site and while I wasn’t sure if I would be attracted to him the message he sent was great and we seemed to have a lot in common. So we started messaging more and more. Then we talked on the phone. I even used Phonespector to see if he was legitimate. And then we were texting or talking on the phone multiple times a day every day. But because of kids and work and other obligations we couldn’t find a time to meet up. This went on for a month. And then finally we were free on the same Saturday night and we made a date to have dinner and see a movie.
I was so excited and we were messaging each other right up until the time when we actually met. When we met it was a total disaster. Neither of us felt any attraction for the other person. Nothing. All those messages and all those chats had just created the illusion of attraction. So after realizing that I spent a month chasing something that wasn’t real I knew that when it comes to online dating you have to meet the other person quickly, within a week if you can. That’s the only way to online date successfully.